I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
