nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
