We're like a lot better than the average bears
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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