I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
