Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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