i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
