holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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