Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
