There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
