A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am one with the molecules
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
