Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
