I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's the barista slut.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
