no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you never un-have a 4some
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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