I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
