So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
