My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
