For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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