im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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