don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
