dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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