I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize