If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
