You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
