My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
