One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
