ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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