thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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