It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
