when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
