I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
