who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize