booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
