I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
