I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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