Who wears a wallet chain?!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
