he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
