Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
