He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
