I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I smell stomach acid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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