Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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