I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
