People in love make me want to vomit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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