PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
