paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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