Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize