No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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