Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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