Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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