if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
