Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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