I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
