so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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