one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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