guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
