I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize