New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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