Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
