standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
