the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
