So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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