I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
