i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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