im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You pole danced in your parka.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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