I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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