Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
