You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
