I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
