i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
