Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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