you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
