Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
