If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
