WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
