I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
