How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
