I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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