The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
