I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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