Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
