Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize