i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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