weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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