my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize