so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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