You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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