oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
