He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
