Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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