is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
