My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
