Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize