Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
