Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
smell my finger.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
