I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
