shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
