i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
be right there i have to get my cape
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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