I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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