last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
